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And thirteen years is exactly the length of time I've been pleasuring here - though for far less money than I'd have earned as a gigolo, believe me! We've been through a lot together in that time - from locked-in in Donnybrook to locked-down in Killiney. And now, for the very first time, the best of my weekly newspaper columns have been brought together in a collection. My adventures with the Mount Anville Moms WhatsApp group. My old dear's fight to stop the Luas lines being joined. Honor's infamous production of South Side Story. My old man's court battles with Denis O'Brien. Sorcha's efforts to force her banana bread on the neighbours. Ronan's attempt to make it as a Mixed Mortial Orts fighter. Not to mention a Chinese exchange student by the name of Pang. From the sheer joy of taking the triplets to their first Ireland v England match, to the sheer misery of Kielys closing down. From the nerve-shredding excitement of trying, to rescue Joey Corbery from Limerick, to the pants-shitting tension of taking Honor to Electric Picnic. They're all here! As the Grey Lady herself would no doubt say: \"That was some ride, Ross!\" ______________________________ 'Ross is a national institution' Irish Times 'The single greatest chronicler of our times' Irish Independent","brand":"WoB","offers":[{"title":"GB \/ VERY_GOOD \/ INTERNAL","offer_id":49512188248337,"sku":"GOR011405307","price":0.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"GB \/ WELL_READ \/ INTERNAL","offer_id":49615470592273,"sku":"GOR011527688","price":0.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false},{"title":"US \/ GOOD \/ SBYB","offer_id":50390966763793,"sku":"CIN1844885690G","price":0.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"US \/ VERY_GOOD \/ SBYB","offer_id":50401099579665,"sku":"CIN1844885690VG","price":0.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false},{"title":"GB \/ GOOD \/ INTERNAL","offer_id":51258973815057,"sku":"GOR011620067","price":0.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0784\/4072\/6801\/files\/1844885690.jpg?v=1751450925"},{"product_id":"shelbourne-ultimatum-book-ross-o-carroll-kelly-9780141048529","title":"The Shelbourne Ultimatum","description":"After his brush with death Ross O'Carroll-Kelly - schools rugby legend, award-winning author and lover of the ladeez - is back with a renewed lust for life - all thrillingly revealed in The Shelbourne Ultimatum. Ross wakes up from his coma to find a country that has changed beyond recognition. Shrewsbury Road has become a ghost estate. Marks and Spencer are selling microwavable coddle. And a Euro discount store is about to open in the Powerscourt Townhouse Centre. And he was only unconscious for twenty-four hours. But never mind all that. The main thing is that whoever tried to kill him missed all his vital organs. All his vital organs. And having had such a lucky escape Ross vows not to waste another minute of his life. There are thousands of women out there and just one Ross to go around. He needs to focus. Of course, life gets in the way. He has a daughter who hates him, a son who is growing up way too fast and a soon-to-be-ex wife who is resorting to increasingly desperate measures to stop the bank from repossessing the house. Oh, and the Gords - get this! - think he's lying to them. Lying? Ross? 'Ross's misadventures and on-the-nose observations never fail to provoke a laugh-out-loud reaction ... bursting at the seams with spot-on parody' Irish Times 'Will leave you with pains in your cheeks from laughing' RTÉ Guide The Shelbourne Ultimatum is the twelfth novel in Paul Howard's 'Ross O'Carroll-Kelly' series. Ross books have sold half a million copies, are annually nominated for the Popular Fiction prize at the Irish Book Awards - where they have twice won the prize - and are also critically acclaimed as satirical masterpieces. Titles include The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nightdress, Should have Got off at Sydney Parade, This Champagne Mojito is the Last Thing I Own, Rhino What You Did Last Summer, NAMA Mia! and The Oh My God Delusion. 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Downturn Abbey is the story of how he tackles his new responsibilities. Or not. The century is not yet a teenager, yet everything is shrouded in gloom. People are tightening their belts, rationing and making do. Across Europe, there is uncertainty, with the possibility of, like, serious conflict hanging in the air. Yet, amidst the splendour of Honalee - a mock-something-or-other mansion that Ross and Sorcha recently inherited - life goes on. The world is changing quickly - especially for Ross. As he stares down the barrel of middle age, he has decided that it's time to possibly do right by Sorcha and put their marriage back together. But he has even bigger challenges to face. His son has hitched his future to a family of commoners, his old dear is involved in a love affair that threatens disgrace for the family, and his daughter has turned into the worst little madam you can imagine. Oh, yeah, and he is about to become a grandfather at 31. As Sorcha embraces her new life of afternoon teas on fine bone china plates and Downton Abbey theme porties, he is suddenly wrestling with duty, loyalty and the thousands of women out there who still desire the pleasure of his company. Downturn Abbey is the thirteenth novel in Paul Howard's 'Ross O'Carroll-Kelly' series. Ross books - annual No 1 bestsellers - have sold over half a million copies, are annually nominated for the Popular Fiction prize at the Irish Book Awards - where they have twice won the prize - and are also critically acclaimed as satirical masterpieces. 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