The Selsey tramway was one of the most remarkable country railways in England. Less than eight miles long, it boasted no fewer than 11 stations. It used antiquated engines and petrol railbuses and had an unenviable record of unpunctuality. For most of its life it ran with no legality as a railway at all. Yet in its 38 years it became a much-loved institution that brought `proper' public transport to the peninsula for the first time. After describing its origins, the author recounts the life of its engineer, Colonel Stephens, which explains much of the line's eccentricity.