Adopt a rescue human. They think they are adopting you. Humans that need homes go to special places where cats are kept. These are rescue humans.

Humans can't caterwaul - except in the bath or sometimes when they play the piano.

They cannot purr. Cat psychologists suggest that this gap in the human vocal repertoire is due to their lack of inner confidence and serenity.

Baby humans don't have anyone of their own age to play with, but it doesn't matter as much as it would for a kitten as they are amazingly retarded.

Gay tom humans make the best pets.

Don't miss Celia Haddon's new book, 100 Ways to Be More Like Your Cat, a guide on how to learn from your cat to lead a better life.