This story has a happy ending.
No, wait, that was a different tape

Dear Customer,
If you have picked up this sheet, you have probably not read the warning so clearly outlined in my prior message. This story may seem cheery at first, when the Baudelaire orphans spend time in the company of some interesting reptiles and a giddy uncle. But dont be fooled.
The three siblings endure a car accident, a terrible odour, a deadly serpent, a long knife, a large brass reading lamp and the reappearance of a person theyd hoped never to see again.
I have made a solemn vow to present this information to the public, but there is nothing stopping you from tearing up this paper and pretending youve never heard of this CD. Then you can sell something that is less unpleasant.
With all due respect, Lemony Snicket