The Art of War, Peace and Palaver by Paul Brennan

My résumé indicates that I attended Saint Thomas More School in Chelsea, London, yet my school report stated that I was lazy, talkative, and noteworthy. I didn't think remarkable sounded horrible until I discovered it wasn't able. That were the days before parent wrath roamed school corridors and teachers, like my gym teacher, who wrote while physically motionless, would share their unconstrained ideas. I'd definitely get a more subtly insulting You must be really proud of him nowadays. Except for painting, I failed every exam in high school.

By the age of 11, I had lost both of my parents. This gave me a sense of independence and freedom that most kids only fantasize about. I got off to a good start by smoking and hitchhiking around Europe. My foray into the wild side came to an end when I joined the Metropolitan Police Cadets in London.

I was 16 years old and aspired to follow in my father's footsteps as a police officer in West End Central. Marching, exercise, study, and discipline were the realities. They stated I was bad at everything, but there was a gradual progress. I had achieved average after two years.

Our teachers, the Police Sergeants, did this by saying Move yourself and Shut up, which is still good advise for me today. At the age of 18, I worked as a judo instructor at a summer camp in the United States for children aged 8 to 12. The bigger the opponent, as Woody Allen said, the bigger the beating, but I didn't tell them that. In four years, I'd have a LL.B (Hons) on my resume.

My first work was at McMillan Binch, a large Toronto legal firm, as a law clerk. In contrast to Australia, an Englishman is not immediately loathed in Canada; instead, they wait a few minutes. Ultimately, I began a two-year article at Rimmers, a general practice in Aylesbury, UK. Years later, I would model my legal cartoon character after my patient and compassionate Principal, John Fortgang, who went on to become a judge.

People are now asking if it's me. I graduated in 1982, met Lord Denning, and married a lawyer. I worked as a solicitor for New Scotland Yard and later for a criminal law practice that represented Christine Keeler. My wife and I founded Brennans Solicitors in Lewisham, South London, in 1985.

Someone scratched their initials into our brass plate on the first weekend, and a man was murdered in the tavern next door. In London's Magistrates Courts, I represented up to five offenders every day: burglary, drink driving, and assaults. As the property boom created a lot of legal work, I soon hired additional individuals to accompany me to court. We moved to Sydney after two years.

The flat property market exploded within six months of my arrival, and my wife and I opened Brennans No. 2.When the boom ended, we relocated to Hong Kong, where we remained for the next ten years. First, I worked as a consultant for a criminal organization that included smugglers, madams, and a transsexual shoplifter. It was a higher-class of criminal customer, and they were also better-dressed.

Following that, I worked for the Hong Kong Law Society, where I conducted investigations, disciplinary hearings, and intervened in failed law businesses. Over the following five years, I worked for a multinational corporation across Intel executing anti-piracy raids in Asia: limousines, stock options, five-star hotels, and no billable hours. I, like most individuals who work in-house, dislike anyone who thinks it's simple. After Intel, I was called to the bar and worked as a tenant barrister at London's Middle Temple.

Following that, I was hired as General Counsel of the Federation Against Software Theft, where I was responsible for enforcement and advocacy in the United Kingdom and Europe. I earned a master's degree in intellectual property law and published my first book. Subsequently, as part of a delegation to Beijing, I was dispatched as an EU IP enforcement expert. I was not invited to return.

Presently, I work as a general practitioner on Queensland's Sunshine Coast with my wife. We have four children, and I did, as most parents do, lecture them on the significance of hard work by skating over my own academic record. The following is an excerpt from an article published in The Proctor in 2008.